If I Die
These here are the those things that would be done if I were to pass on to the there that is not here.
Execute these that are here wherever you may be there.
That this: One (1) - Media photo for use
For reporting my departing please use the specific this image here that matches the situation when it is there
Shot by police out of prejudice
Suicide, by depression
Suicide, by being famous and not handling it very well
Suicide, from shame of commiting act of notoriety
Falling down some stairs
Falling up some stairs
Killed in Action
Killed in inaction
Missing, no body found
Missing, then body found
Missing, then body found, then body lost in clerical error at coroners
That this two (2) - Obituary Primers
Not that I would here ever make demands of what is said there about me when I've gone to the place that is there. But to save those there from incorrectitudes and misfactoids here are those things about me here when there.
- Born only the once
- Threw a pen up at a Czechia flag 2 metres above and accidentally clipped the pen on the top edge perfectly
- Later threw up a pen at the same Czechia flag semi deliberately and clipped another pen right next to the previous one
- Tended to label boxes
- Always had the right USB or video cable for the job (thanks to labelling)
That this three (3) - Funureal Procedures
- I wish my head and limbs cremated, my torso buried and my genitalia cryogenically frozen for possible future revival.
- I do not want a wake, I want to have a Comedy Central roast with Jeff Goldblum as Roastmaster
- The roast should be in a large wooden structure hand built by Rem Koolhaas
- Only serve the attendees houmous and bread, alcohol should be brewed from chick peas
- At the end Rem Koolhaas can burn the structure to the ground and write a fucking book about it